As requested I have:
Swam through shark infested waters,
Jumped from a speeding car,
Abseiled off a skyscraper,
and.... still had time to eat my tea,

Just because the lady loves Daniel Craig,

(oh, and me!)

Okay, couldn't resist the temptation of saying hello.
I really must get my work done, I am starting to panic about my complete lack of motivation.
My leading from the middle course is on all online so how I am supposed to do my "team health check" (it is as fun as it sounds) when listening to music and calling in on my blog friends is so much more interesting.

Okay, Eye of the tiger, grrrrrrrr.

Must do work....

now!

Hi all in blog world.

I’m off to get ready to go out for a meal with my lovely bf who has been looking after me all week as I dribble and moan in my cold induced depsression.

Will probably catch up on Sunday as I have LOADS of work to do.

Life is looking good here and I hope wherever you are things are good for you too.

Love Bean xx

Sighs,
Drools,

Ok, to those that really know me, sorry.
Couldn't resist!
Ok, now find me my dancing shoes!!!

Owwwwww, head banging hurts when you have a cold.

Hi all,
I've been away being ill and sleeping and drinking too much night nurse.

Thank you all for your kind comments about my mum and dad. There is no news, I spoke to Mum about counseling so it is up to her.

I have spoken to my sister again and things are nearly back on track.

But as usual, when I get worried about things I become physically ill!!

Anyway, thank you all loads, it is nice to know you care. Hope life is treating you well.

Xxx

p.s our spring street theater production of Duck Whittington went well after all. Well the rats fell up the steps and the butterflies went on too early…. But the parents loved it and they all tried really hard.

Only the class assembly to go…….

p.p.s the staffing structure has been revealed, it looks like there is a job for me but I will have to move year groups.

Hope this works.

I love quantum leap!!!!!!!

My mum and dad called around today. Mum was meant to be in Newcastle visiting her sick friend but her friend had come out of hospital early. Mum range me at 8:30 (she has no idea!!!) to ask what I was doing for mothers day.

I said that I didn’t know she would be home so that is why I have not organised anything.

Then Dad rang at 11:30 to say that Mum is very upset because nothing has been done for mothers day and that she is mad with my dad because he should have told us Mum would be around.

Anyway… they came over after they had been out to buy a ground sheet for their caravan.

Well we were just talking about nothingness when Dad suddenly said. “I am feeling really fed up”. So I looked at him in a surprised way and said “why”. And he said (in front of Mum) “well you know that me and your Mum aren’t getting along.”

Well my stomach dropped and my heart flipped and I said “well I know Mum ahs been depressed but she will get better”.

Dad just shook his head.

When Mum went to the loo/read my NHS kidney letter, dad said that he thinks that it was having kids that kept them together. Hat and the fact that they both were teachers so had a common interest. He said that she can’t make him happy and he can’t make her happy. He feels drained and says that he prefers to be on his own. Apparently Mum wants him next to her all the time and wont let him do his own thing. You see, Mum is bored so due to retirement has become even more dependent on dad. Dad has had enough.

Anyway, then Mum came downstairs and the conversation changed.

I’m worried. Dad has hinted about this before. Now I think he really means it.

I am still recovering from a fantastic night out on Saturday with idontknowwhy!

I dragged her along to a colleagues 40th birthday party in a church village hall. I know, I was worried to. But it turned into a great night.

I was able to avoid the demon teacher (the one I don’t like) and I had fun catching up with my colleagues friends away from the oppressive work environment.

Idontknowwhy is a social queen and after about 5minuteds she was known and loved by all!

We danced like fools to meat loaf and other such party classics and I got very very drunk. We left about 10:30 to carry on drinking at my local pubs.

It was really nice to have a proper catch up and fun like old times. However, my bf was not impressed with me arriving home very drunk and then falling asleep on the bathroom floor. (When drunk I take pinky (my pillow) and sleep on the floor covered in towels).

Now just have to face everyone tomorrow, don’t think I did anything too shameful….

Must go; find people I can actually speak too.
Watch TV… try to move away from the computer

This is too addictive!

But fun!

Bye for now.
Have a great weekend all. xx

I decided against the crying thing. It just not me!! And I am dressed totally in red (because of red nose day) and I don’t want my face to match my outfit!

So, I rang my sister to talk over how I was feeling.
That I missed her, that I didn’t feel as close to her anymore.
That I don’t mind her friend coming to the hen do but I didn’t want my younger sister to feel left out because she didn’t have a friend. (My younger sister wanted to bring someone who is a total bitch – I have justified reasons for saying this )

My older sister said she thought I had turned into “bridezzal” and that she couldn’t understand me not wanting her friend because it is someone who I have known since I was 4 and someone I was friends with as well. I explained about not wanting to hurt my younger sister. I think she understood. That is between them now.

My older sister said she hadn’t realised I felt sad and when I talked to her about work problems (the dreaded merger) she seemed to understand.

It wasn’t perfect, but it was a start.

Hey, It’s good to talk!

As I mentioned in my first blog, I don’t cry. I don’t do over the top emotions – I am not saying that women who cry are wrong and I know that it is healthy but it’s just something don’t do. Even when I really want to I can’t let go.

I used to have a very bad temper when I was younger and was quiet aggressive, this was trained out of me and now I can’t let go at all.

I have once become ill over this …… I just stopoed functioning when things got really bad and I didn't move at all… just lay in bed….not crying, not doing anything.

The only thing that makes me cry is my family and they have always been the only thing that can really, really hurt me. I love my bf totally but he is not my blood., if you know what I mean.

I wish I could cry now
….. no still not happening……

Might have a cigarette and then watch beaches! That usually sets me off and then I can let go about everything when I start.
The only problem is that when I start I keep going for a few days and I am meant to be going out on Saturday!

You see when I cry (once or twice a year if that) I just can’t stop.

Maybe beaches is a bad idea!

Well I have dashed home early tonight to recover from the hell that is the annual year group production.

Each year we seem to spend more and more time on the play – to the detriment of all other subjects. Ok I know that it is probably the only thing the children will remember from life in the Infant school so I do go along with all the changes…

However, can something please tell my colleagues that we are not putting on a west end musical!

We have hired professional dancers to teach the children a few set dances to the songs in the play. This is a good as it sounds, as much as I love them (and I do) no matter how many dance lessons we give them they will still:
fall over,
forget to come on,
bump into each other
and generally crash about….. despite the calls for ‘fairy feet children, you are not elephants!’

It is a nightmare! One child from my class has lost their costume, many keep forgetting their lines and the person who invented Velcro should be sued as that is all you can hear over all of the dialogue!

Still, I do love it.

I will let you know how the performance goes on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday.

Thank you Reiki-girl for your Meat Loaf confession! (not sure how to do a wave but I am waving at you now!)

Calling all meat Loaf fans to confess their love and join us!!

Hi just a quick note to let all know that I have been for my dress fitting!!!!
It was great, I bough the most over the top tiara ever, it looks like a crown and is very very sparkly!! I love anything that glitters. I have borrowed my friends veil, which is plain so I don't look too over the top.

I was a bit disappointed because my Mum forgot to come, I range her and she started panicking because she was cleaning and she needed a shower so I told her not to worry and I went with my friend.

It was nice because we had the assistant serving us and she is much less intimidating than the other woman who owns it…. there I go again, being scared of assertive women!!

Anyway, will blog more later if time - playing badminton with idontknwowhy tonight, in my tracksuit that has been shrunk in the wash.

Love to all,
xx

I didn’t realise how expensive having a meal there was going to be so I was a little unprepared for the bill. My bf insisted that we would pay for it as Mum and Dad always pay when we go out. As he is older than me I think he sometimes feels funny about M and D paying, I don’t!

We arrived and it was empty and I started to panic. The restaurant we were going to is where I am having my wedding reception and meal and I am really worried that it will go bankrupt as every time we go by it is near to empty or closed. I need wedding insurance now!!!

Anyway, panic over….
So we went into the lounge area to look at the menu and ordered our drinks. The menu was ok but plain… it was just posh steak and things like that – not very inspiring, especially because I don’t eat meat. But we ordered and sat down at the table. Mum started counting the tables and we talked about the layout and chatted about wedding stuff and it was ok. The food was good and the wine was flowing. If it had been me and my bf the wine would have flowed more but M and D only like to have a few drinks; when they were ready to stop I had just got started!!!

Well, during the meal there was a singer who was singing badly and I could see dad looking in a disproving way. I really want him and Mum to like the place that I have chosen but I know they thought it was a bit tacky.

At the end of the meal the staff started dancing on the bar and got me and my bf up dancing – this did not help to reassure dad that it was a ‘nice‘ place. But M and D got up and danced and then D danced with me and all had a nice time. We then went back to our house and had a cup of tea and M and D left about 11:30, which is really late for my M and D. Me and my bf then ran to the back door for a cigarette.

We didn’t argue, or bicker and it was nice. So I’m feeling quite happy today.

Hope you all had a good night. xx

Going out for a meal with my Mum and Dad tonight.
As mentioned in other blogs things have not always been easy between me and my mum.
But she rang me up crying on Wednesday, she is really unhappy. She has retired this year and she feels useless and doesn't know what to do. She can't sleep because she worries about not sleeping and she is lonely.

I felt really bad because despite us not getting on she is my mum and I love her and I felt bad because I can't fix it. I did know she was upset because my sisters told me a few weeks ago how she was feeling and that she had rung them up. I did feel hurt that she couldn’t tell me and I live the nearest to her. I do know that she tried my sisters before she got me when she rang on Wednesday…

Then she said that people have said that ‘my wedding should be a good distraction for her and give her something to focus on’, and she said ‘yes but Em has done everything.’

I told her, I haven’t at all. I just didn't think she would be that interested because when we got engaged she wasn't interested at all and when we went wedding dress shopping she seemed reluctant like she had other things she be doing.

Now I feel bad because I was wrong. She really does want to get involved. Ok I know that it is partly because she is feeling lost and unhappy but I am pleased she told me and that she wants to be more involved.

Soooo, she rang this morning (8:40am - my mum does not understand weekends) and asked if me and my bf wanted to go out for a meal with her and dad tonight to talk about things.

I said yes and I just hope it will be ok.
My tongue might be bleeding by the end of the night with all the biting I will have to do!!

Wish me luck xx

Ok, I apologise at first for anyone who will shout at me for not being liberated and being a repressed British person.

The story begins with….

It was parents evening this week and I was having a good night. Everyone ok and the bad news I had to break was taken well so I was feeling ok. Then parents A and B arrived….. with their new baby……who was crying…….

The mum asked if I was ok if she fed her, I said of course. I am not a total prude and have seen mums breastfeeding before…

So as I’m talking about “the progress her child is making,” she flops them out and attaches the baby. Not covering herself at all, just top up…. breast out ….and baby on!! Poor dad who was sat next to her was getting more and more embarrassed at time went on.

All the time I was thinking, “just don’t look at the nipple, keep your eyes away from the nipple”

He he! It certainly made my night more interesting than it normally is.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
*pauses for breath* ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

It’s not that they are awful, the parents are all nice and they are very rarely anything other than positive it’s just that I find it such a drain…..

Will leave now to see my bf who is watching the football….

See you all soon..

xx

The first person I saw today was ‘the girl’. The one who turns me into a gibbering wreck and makes me nervous from work. The one I moaned about a few days ago, who when I ask her for something I find myself apologising after I have asked. The Ann Robinson one…..

Well I said “good morning” in a cheerful voice (as cheerful as you can muster at 7:45 am) and she gave me a look which said “I am laughing at you and it’s a private joke that I am not going to share” and then she reluctantly replied “Hi”.

I felt a bit crushed and had desires to pull her bobble out or do something equally stupid, so when her back was turned I pulled a stupid face, you know the ones where you put your tongue behind your lip….. and it made me fell much better. There was no chance she could see, or anyone else, it was just for my satisfaction.

So when I next saw her and she gave me the “I am infinitely better than you and you are shit on my shoe” look, I was able to send her back “I am also having a private joke behind your back because I’ve been pulling faces”.

I loved it!!!!!!!

p.s also took advice and was really really nice to everyone today. Even offered to take next doors class to give her chance to get herself ready for parents evening.

P.p.s but she still makes me feel bad……

Killing time....
Waiting for my friend to come round.....
Could sharpen some pencils, if I had any to sharpen....
or... pair my socks....
That's why blogging was invented!

Had teenage step daughter and friend down this weekend so rather than doing what we usually do (sit around, watch TV whilst I drink wine), we actually did stuff.

We went to see Music and Lyrics at the cinema yesterday.
It was nice, Hugh Grant is looking older in a 'cute and I want to stoke him' kind of a way, so I enjoyed the film.

Afterward it got me thinking about when you get the lyrics wrong in songs. My bf has many a classic in doing this, but one of my best comes from my sister. Who used to sing along to Goldfinger "the man with the miners touch"
I loved this just because it summoned up images of man with a hand covered in coal turning everything into coal.

Very silly, but it still makes me laugh.

Please share your lyric misunderstandings, just to make me giggle. xx

Hi all,
Im feeling really funny today.
I just feel sad and I don’t know why. I had an argument with my Mum and sister last night and that’s made me feel down and the wedding arrangements are getting on top of me. My mum and I have never really got on very well at all and since being in my 20’s I have tried really hard to re build some of the bridges between us but I fell like it is a never ending battle. I look at the relationships my friends have with their family and I guess I just want the same. I have trying to be really nice about the wedding but they have upset me.

Just to point out before I continue, we are not having a big wedding, it is a cheap and cheerful wedding but I have invited all my extended family.

My dad can not see the point of my big wedding (?) because my bf has already been married before so what is the point.

However, he still wants me to invite all my cousins children because if I don’t it is not fair on his family because they (my cousins) invited children to their wedding.

Then he says that I am wasting money on a photographer because I can just ask the guest to take pictures and then give some to me!!!! Or he will take the photos. By the way he is not a photographer.

Oh and why have a wedding car when no one will see me in it and he can give me a lift instead! My wedding car is cheap and is only doing one journey.

Basically, he just wants me to spend our money on what he wants… his family there.

Then Mum thinks I am selfish and ‘need to grow up’ because I said I just wanted my close family on the morning of the wedding because I may be feeling worried etc. She wants her brother, mum, 3 cousins and their partners at her house and says that I am being selfish because I don’t.
So for the first time in ages I told her, and she had a go at me.

My bf is right, we should have just gone abroad.

Oh and my Nan thinks I should also invite my cousins girlfriends.

It is getting me down. Just feel sad and fed up, I can’t cope with arguing at home and work. No news on the redundancy yet, the unions are negotiating the staffing structure so……

Thanks for the advice about the colleague! Will put into action asap, however, I’m not sure how I can arrange the custard pie…..

I was feeling really nervous today because I had to lead a meeting about the school website. The members of the team have changed and the person that has joined is harder to get along with. For some reason there has always been a tension between us and I don’t know why. She moans about everyone behind their back and I feel paranoid because I know she will do the same about me. It is so silly because she is younger and more inexperience d than me but she just makes me anxious and nervous.

The meeting went ok; the other member is really nice (yes there are only 3 of us!!) But I felt like I had to make this big effort to be nice and when I asked her to do something I found myself apologising and saying I would do it instead.

I am not like this all the time; I can stand up for myself but for some reason this person just makes me feel insecure. For example we booked a room at the same time for parent evenings next week and she appeared to presume that I would change. I suggested flipping for it and she looked very put out.

I know you can’t get on with everyone but the thing that confuses me is that everyone else seems to think she is really nice.

Moan and rant over, we don’t have to meet now for at least 6 weeks!

Any advice?