Well, the title says it all really....

Made me laugh!

Ok, after my recent rather depressing blogs I don't want people to worry that I've started writing adult songs about adult angst, whilst singing with a guitar and staring moodily out of window covered in rain and smoking roll ups, but.....

Can my life just be summed up by the amount of bird shit on the car!! In fact I did laugh when I saw it, well to be honest I laughed at next doors car that was covered and then saw my car and laughed even more. I wish I could remember that word from English Literacy when the author using the surroundings to reflect the characters mood, well whatever it is I did think that having the incredible amount of shit on my car that there is must be sign!

if I could upload photos I would, just to make you all smile... I mean really, my car must have been dive bombed by a flock of dodgy fish eating seagulls suffering from diarrhea, not joking!

Well as punishment to my hubby for his sad continued neglect of me I have pretend not to notice it so when he gets back from work I will act shocked and surprised (as I hand him a bucket and a sponge) and smile to myself as I see him scrubbing shit off the car! Now who said there no such thing as Karma?

*evil laugh*

p.s You better smile!

p.p.s I bet you couldn't help yourself!

Another night and another night with me pissed off and fed up and left feeling like a large lump of lard because, yep, you guessed it my hubby does not want to have sex! In fact even snogging is out of the question because it might lead to me wanting sex and that would be an awful, awful thing. In fact showing affection other than in a brotherly manner towards me might incite such deep passions leading to uncontrollable behaviour that that too must be banned.

Hummmm I am seriously fed up. I am pregnant but I am being made to feel like I have a serious skin condition and therefore need to be kept separate from any contact with living things.

Yesterday he was tired, today he is tired.

He has been working very hard in the house, decorating for 6 hours today, he is kind to me and I got breakfast in bed this morning but he has not made a pass at me in months - well since the bump started to show. We had a bath together at 7pm and he started with "I'm tired" I think it was to preempt me asking for sex.

We have now argued about it. He says I am being unreasonable and that there is nothing wrong and he is just tired. He says he loved me and fancies me, but his actions tell a different story. The problem is that he is always tired. I am not a fool. Things are going to get past the ‘kiss and make up’ stage. I can’t help feeling like he is using sex as a weapon. The trouble is I can’t play games.

I am hurt.

I am upset.

I am angry.

I wish I could cry.

Ok, quick poll, is it just my hubby or are all men like this?

I have noticed more and more than when you are pregnant men stop looking at you in a sexual way, l, not that I had loads of men lusting after me at all but I did get an occasional glance. Now when I ‘window shop’ I am barely acknowledged as being a member of the opposite sex, it is very strange.

Well another retirement do and another night of feeling crap and falling out. I did try talking to hubby about how I was feeling but he gets so defensive and always thinks that I am having a go at him. He totally refuses the idea of relationship counseling and says everything is ok and nothing is wrong and it is all in my head and I am trying to cause problems. He says that he is not trying to avoid sex and he still fancies me but he just has to… paint the room, go shopping, feeling tried, hurt neck, too busy, having a bath, no time etc etc etc……

Well went out last night and you can tell it went well because I am back on here!! He started flirting with the waitresses not loads and loads but enough to make me feel really shit as I sat there feeling fat and ugly (the waitress was very pretty and about 16) then I caught him looking at her as she walked by with that air of confidence that only pretty 16 year olds can have, it made me feel so jealous and mad. All night people were coming up to me (women of course) to tell me how fab I looked and how lovely my bump was and my hubby never once said you look great or anything and I had made a very big effort.

I told him it made me feel shit and he got in a right mood, said I was always having a go at him and that I always ruin our evenings out and that all our problems are caused by him and he can’t do anything right……. So I thought, well I am not sitting here in the corner not speaking to you, so I left him and went talking to other people, and ended up having a good night, much cheered up by having a right laugh with a male work colleague who had me in stitches. I went back to him later and said ‘do you want to go’ it was clear he didn’t but I didn’t want to stay – I was tired and it was 11:30 so we went. Things are ok(ish) now but what can I say to him?

Thanks for the lovely comments, they mean a lot to me.

xx

Last night was my fathers retirement do so my sisters were coming to my house to get ready and we were all going as a surprise for my dad. Things have been getting much better with my hubby so I was looking forward to the night. To say that I had an awful time is an understatement, it was shit, very shit. I can’t remember how it happened but hub and me started arguing, all about nothing as all our arguments always are and that was the night ruined.

He just sat in the corner playing with balloons ignoring me and singing along to the lyrics and I felt torn, should I leave him on his own and go and talk to members of the family or try to talk to him when his whole body language is telling me to fuck off. Well I tried to talk to him and we just ended up bickering even more, it just feels like since we got married (in August) things have not been the same between us, or is it since I got pregnant? Everyone is saying how great I look and I am blooming and I feel so miserable all the time, I am so fed up with trying to pretend that my life is great, newly married and baby on the way when things are breaking up. I just want to get my relationship back on track and I don’t know how to, I don’t know what to do to make things better. Since I became pregnant he has been less interested in sex even though hew swears that this is not the case but I think the bump puts him off, I understand that but I wish he would be honest as I am starting to feel like it is not the bump that he doesn’t not fancy but me.

What should I do? My parents are worried about me and dad and mum were giving me sympathetic looks all night and no doubt I will have to field off questions about things are and try to convince them that I am ok, what else can I do? He sat singing to lyrics and we didn’t talk, I came home and went straight to bed, he followed up later, switched the light on even though he knew I was in bed, he got into bed and said and did nothing. I ignored him and tried to calm the panicking feeling inside and finally I got to sleep. He is still in bed now and I fell half angry with him and half like I just want him to kiss and hug me and say sorry.

Hope you are all happy out in blog land.

xx

Ok, well as you know I am getting married in August and me and my bf had a discussion/argument/me-stomping-off-because-he-was-not-listening/debate about whihc hymns to use.

The problem is that none of us know many.

We thought of:

Give me oil in my lamp
Lord of all holiness (I think)
When a knight won his spurs

Oh and for first dance:

Easy listening, we have a singer..... yes, a wedding singer.

Or.......

But without the coling firth bits, sorry was the best I could find.

Anyway, let me know

Thanks. xx

Oh dear, the crush has not gone away.....
*sigh*

On Tuesday I was at my Uncles funeral which was very sad, he was a great person and everyone loved him and the fact that he has gone is still raw and painful. Seeing my Dad so upset was awful as he does not show his emotions easily and I feel so bad for my cousins who have lost their dad and my aunt who has lost her husband. My Uncle knew he was dieing because he had cancer and nothing could be done to help him – they found out about it too late. He wrote a letter which was read out during his funeral service, he said not to be upset because he had had a good life that was filled with love. He said that he can meet death feeling content because he has achieved everything he wanted and he has had a happy life. Still seeing the coffin and knowing that he is laying inside it is so very sad.

The wake was ok, everyone was trying to be cheerful and remember the good times, they had a slide show of pictures from him during his life on the TV and these were funny. My dad was on some of them when he was younger and everyone said how much he looked like me!

My family is all looking forward to the wedding; they said it would be good to all get together on a happy time.

This made me panic, there is till too much to do and I hate people asking me about it.

Tuesday was a very sad day, I cried all day and since I have found it hard to stop.

I miss him, I do hope Heaven is real.

Hi to all,

Sorry for disappearing off the radar for so long.

There has been loads going on, some good and some bad so......

Well, I got to keep my job which is great news.

However, I will now be working directly with the deputy and a someone I don't really know very well

But! The school is shut for the foreseeable future because of the floods. My class was flooded when I was in there with my children, it was all very exciting. They were great, they didn't get upset and they thought it was great fun. It did feel strange though and I have been in work all week clearing up, washing Lego with detol (is that how you spell it?).

Going into work tomorrow but might be sent home () because the Industrial cleaners are moving in!!!! I will have to hide from then big spraying things.

At home, things haven been a bit sad, my uncle dies and the funeral is on Tuesday. My dad is devastated. My lovely sister has to have a breast scan because she has found a lump, really scary stuff.

Things with the bf are usual, he has been stomping about like a teenager because I left the toothpaste of the stairs! I feel half amused and half annoyed when he gets like that. The other day he shook his fists at the washing machine because it wouldn't work properly, I laughed at him and asked if this strategy had worked - it didn't.

Had a good weekend, with idontknowwhy but have spent loads of money I don't have.

Anyway, finished retreating from the world and now I’m back. I hope the past month or so has been good for you.
xx